www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

i’m really tired but i can’t sleep. i forgot to eat today, i just drank a lot of coffee and grabbed a bagel on the way home from work. how can you even forget to eat. i had my first class of the semester, with Foley. we got free books so i save a lot of money.

the wallet-rapists at Meineke wanted $2500 to fix my car. the mechanic down the street wanted $900. so duh, he did it. the wallet-rapists at Midas wanted $500 to fix my emergency brake. this guy did it for $25 and requested i advise the fucks at midas to kindly shove their estimate.

the worst thing about being back to school is that i’m still working 40+ hours a week. anyone who is in college and says they can’t handle it, go fuck yourself, unless you’re working full time too. if i can get these last minute changes to my schedule finalized, i will be really happy with college and it probably won’t bother me that i’m working so much. but shut up about it.

i read the first few pages of my english lit textbook and i felt like my eyeballs were going to fall out

I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I’m borderline crying and I don’t know why. I told Addie that things weren’t going to work out. Molly helped me pick out new clothes in Harvard Square and I spent a lot of money, but it was a good day. I have a few more weeks off from school and I don’t know what I’m going to do. Last night was a lot of fun. I’m really lonely. Again. For no reason.

Wait, I figured it out. This is ridiculous. I’m not jealous. Really. I’m happy. For them.

Well, that was a good year. #1 best person I met in 2005 award goes to Crystalyn. Best friends that I didn’t see enough of: Rod and Rachel. Ex-girlfriend that I got to know better after we broke up: Shanon. Number of hours I worked: 1750 (approx). Money I saved: $86 (current account balance).

Number of cars I owned last year: 4. Number of cars I broke last year: 3. (The other one was already broken when I bought it.)

Hook ups: 5. Number I felt guilty about afterwards: 3. Number of times I begged Rachel to find me a girlfriend: 1,000. Actual girlfriends: 1. Number of times I questioned my sexuality: too many.

Money spent on expensive electronics: $2,000. Remaining balance on laptop computer: $1,000.

Vinyl records purchased: 72, plus 18 Salt n Pepa records that I got on eBay. Number of times I thought Al Bum’s was sketchy: every time.

Favorite album of the year: The City on Film’s In Formal Introduction. Favorite single: !!!’s Take Ecstasy with Me. Most vapid, vacuous musical atrocity: Black Eyed Peas’ My Humps.

Shows attented: lots. Favorite: Eels. Second favorite: Alan Jackson. Most fun socially: The Rocket Summer. Most musically depressing and making me realize I don’t like going to shows as much as I used to: Hellogoodbye.

A few things stick out as being some of the most memorable times of 2005. Bamboozle was a good time. Going to Maine with Sean and Robyn was awesome. I remember being in Maine for a wedding on the side of the road drinking (disgusting) beer and talking with my cousins, and thinking that it was a perfect moment. Smoking pot for the first time on the school ski trip. The lady at Moe’s asking why I’m always in with a different girl. Breaking my veg-edge after 3 years, at the company cookout. I remember thinking how weird it was that I rode a skateboard a few blocks from the parking lot to get to my 9-to-5 job every day, and then having old ladies yell at me to get a job. I think the Best Kiss of 2006 Award has already been given.

Thank you to everyone for a wonderful year. If you made me smile once this year, I love you, and I mean it.

Not much is new. Finished my first semester of college. Tossed around the idea of dropping out, or only taking 2 classes. Decided I’m only taking classes I like. Next semester will be photography, music theory, creative writing, and literature (english or american? help me pick). Fuck taking spanish and math. And other things I don’t like. TRACY WAS RIGHT, I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO READ.

Me and Annie had our TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY of being AIM buddies. And we’ve hung out 3 times. Once last week at Molly’s party, which was a good time.

I drink a lot of water, like a real lot, my skin is less dry but I HATE PEEING EVERY 5 MINUTES.

I’m in a bad mood, I was up until 6 this morning, and I woke up too early. Addie came over today. I’m not sure where that’s going. We’ll see.

HAHAHHAHA READ THIS
CLICK HERE

This guy BERDMAN hangs out in the Worcester Myspace group and makes fun of people by taking their pictures and writing dumb things on them that don’t usually make sense. And he went through my entire profile and edited it to say things about being gay and eating poop. THE GUY IS LIKE 30, GET OFF THE INTERNET YOU’RE OLD AND DUMB. Everyone send him a message (click here) and tell him he’s a tool.

Oh yeah, I made up that thing about Rowling getting drunk and spilling the end of Harry Potter 7. And [someone else] made up the one about Bright Eyes breaking up. Thanks for playing!

I’m working alone right now. A drunk man from the office upstairs said he’s seen me skateboarding all the time in Worcester, and I looked interesting and he wanted to talk to me.

So, as he said, he went out and had some beers and came back to chat with me.

That was seriously so scary. I can’t even tell you. Because I’m alone in this building, except for some drunken stock broker looking for some tight ass at the internet company. I got Annie to call our 800 number a bunch of times, so I could say we were really busy and he had to leave. He said if it stopped being so busy, I could come up to his office.. and that he’d come by to say goodnight when he left.

I locked the door.

Now I will never feel safe working here alone.. actually I am probably going run as fast as I can out to my car, lock the doors, and drive home as fast as I can. I couldn’t fight that guy off..

I have a crush. She thinks I’m cute. We’re hanging out Saturday. Annie and Ana don’t approve 🙁 this is a disaster already.

Does anyone know anything about the Peace Corps? I don’t know if I want to go to college next year. Experiences? Friends that have done it? Useful links?

I downloaded the first season of The OC, and I watched an episode and I really like it. I’m sorry I said this show sucked before. It’s great.

There are two homeless people staying at my house, a boy of 17 and a girl of 22. I have a big house, it’s not like there isn’t room for them.. but when you make $20 shoveling snow, and then spend it on a case of cigarettes, how am I supposed to feel bad for you? My dad is upset that they eat a lot of food and are ungrateful, and my mom told me to not leave my laptop at home anymore and hide my change cup.

I finally got around to listening to The Click Five, and they suck. WHO SIGNED THIS BAND. WHY.

I don’t have a lot of money for Christmas presents this year, so don’t buy me anything. Let me know if you’re getting me something so I can reciprocate so I don’t feel like a douche.

I started smoking cloves and Dreams for a few weeks, but I got sick of coughing shit up. And my car smelled. So if anyone wants a half a pack of Blacks, and/or a half a pack of Cherry Dreams, they’re all yours.

I have been kind of sad lately, I don’t feel happy doing anything. I can’t think of what I want to do with the rest of my life. I hate working, and school, I have no hobbies or real valid interests. I have no desire to find a girlfriend, I’m lazy, I can’t do anything that I’m supposed to when I’m supposed to.

I think I’m done drinking and smoking pot. I don’t want to get messed up. Everything they say about marijuana being a gateway drug is probably true. When I start researching and looking for someone who will sell me mushrooms or acid, things I never would have thought about before, I feel like all those theories are right. Maybe not for you, but for me. Not that it hasn’t been fun, but I am just afraid of what I’m going to do to myself.

I’m not saying I’m going to be edge, but I don’t want to fuck myself up. You only get one shot at this (interestingly, an argument used by both sides of the drug-use spectrum). I’m worried that my complete lack of goals, combined with an interest in drug experimentation, can’t be good for my future.