www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

September 6, 2005

i hope i’m never a teenager again.

Filed under: Uncategorized — lj @ 10:54 pm

I lost $1,000 in financial aid, because I initally said I was living on campus, but now I’m not. I also lost my federally subsidized loan, which means now I have to pay interest, or something. This is a major setback, because I took out another loan to pay for school + a down payment on a car. Now I don’t have anything left for a car. Basically, this sucks because I will be paying off college loans until I’m about 90.

I start class tomorrow, I’m not really nervous, except I’m worried because as usual, I ate an entire pack of Trident today and my tummy hurts. Wish me luck with my first day back, plz.

I got drunk last night and had a long discussion with someone about something that has been bothering me a lot lately, but I didn’t know how to talk about it. I went out with a lot of girls this summer. Nothing really serious, just a lot of dinner dates and hangouts and going to shows and such. Mostly really beautiful girls, because srsly do I hang out with uglies? No. But I’m not even sexually attracted to anyone. When I look at girls, I think things like hey, that girl’s cute and looks like we’d get along, I’d like to get to know her and maybe we can be friends. Popular male consensus shows that I should thinking things more along the lines of damn check out those tits, and nice ass, yo I’d hit that. I look at a girl and check out how many freckles she has.

I don’t think I’m gay, because I don’t really see myself with another guy. I guess this rules me out from being bi, because I’m not really sexually attracted to either sex. Pretty much this sucks because I don’t even enjoy masturbation.

Okay, that was sufficiently awkward. Laurenface gave me her old phone, so now I have one again. 774.276.0679. I’m not working tomorrow after school, so if you want to hang out in the afternoon, holla. Blowjobs greatly appreciated so hopefully we can sort this dilemma out.


  1. aww good luck tomorrow! I think thats so nice that you’re not all into getting in a girls pants. I dont think its a big deal that you’re not sexually attracted to anyone right now, I think you just need the right girl to come along and then the sparks will be flying.

    Comment by p0etic_tragedy — September 7, 2005 @ 3:34 am

  2. i hope sooooo because this is boring. and thanks, my first day was stupendous.

    Comment by zig_mover — September 9, 2005 @ 10:59 pm

  3. freckles are cute. and so is your honesty.

    Comment by jslice — September 7, 2005 @ 4:55 am

  4. thankyou

    Comment by zig_mover — September 9, 2005 @ 10:59 pm

  5. some people arent horny! gosh. good luck at school. sorry about shitty financail stuff. i had to take out a loan too. (instead of loan i put load, oh gosh)

    Comment by shawnafucking — September 7, 2005 @ 11:33 am

  6. i dont want to be in the minority!

    Comment by zig_mover — September 9, 2005 @ 11:01 pm

  7. I WANNA BE THE MINORITY!!!! [i pledge allegience to the underworld]

    Comment by its_my_damage — September 20, 2005 @ 9:25 pm

  8. this was an awesome post… I am paying for a 40,000 dollar bill from school.. so I know how you feel good luck on your first day.. I am jealous

    Comment by magritte — September 7, 2005 @ 12:01 pm

  9. 🙁 bills oh well.. i am still going no matter what.. if i decide to drop out it won’t be because of the money.

    Comment by zig_mover — September 9, 2005 @ 11:02 pm

  10. I hate bills and thank you for being brutally honest, I think I need a shower now…only kidding. I think that maybe your problem is you are worried because you compare yourself to other guys, but you obviously aren’t like other guys. Maybe you just haven’t found a girl you are sexually attracted to. They have proven that guys (and girls) do have a kind of built in “perfect guy/girl” check system. EX some guys like girls with a certain shaped face or the smell of their body odor(as gross as that sounds)that other guys don’t like. I dunno man…thats just my opinion.

    Comment by xdanimalx — September 7, 2005 @ 2:01 pm

  11. frecklies! Good luck on your first day of classes Mr. Despres. I better be seeing your fine self at shows in Boston! ♥

    Comment by nosering_girl — September 7, 2005 @ 4:20 pm

  12. i texted you yesterday! hope everythings going well. kbye

    Comment by zig_mover — September 21, 2005 @ 3:55 am

  13. your disgusting an di love it. pee.ess. why is that girl commenting in your journal? SCUM!

    Comment by _hannah_leigh — September 7, 2005 @ 5:27 pm

  14. I saved an article from Jane magazine and found it the other day. I was in regards to a study done on a bunch of random people. And they came to the conclusion that some people are actually asexual. They had relationships, but none of them were sexually motivated. I mention this because the article also quoted one of the people saying they weren’t interested in masturbation either. So yeah, no worries. Maybe you’ll find a fabulous person who feels the same way and you can be happy together for the rest of your lives with out having to worry about sex. And in regards to the loans, for fed. sub. loans they defer payment and interest until after you graduate. Which does make it easier as you don’t have to pay during school, but its not interest free. And if any financial situations drastically change (a sudden extreme decrease in income for you or your parents) you can usually petition the school for more monies. I did that after my dad’s business died. Just had him fill out a quick form and they gave me more grant money. Good luck getting that figured out.

    Comment by devmo — September 7, 2005 @ 7:49 pm

  15. HAHAHAHHAHA NEIL YOU’RE AMAZING i love you so much in that non-sexual way. :] kcul doog .s.p

    Comment by panda518 — September 7, 2005 @ 7:58 pm

  16. DOOG

    Comment by zig_mover — September 9, 2005 @ 11:02 pm

  17. you know, i walked into my english class today and felt a little sad that you would not be there with me. ugh. Neil…we must MUST hang out. ill call you or something. hahah how creepy.

    Comment by infinityxcubed — September 7, 2005 @ 8:00 pm

  18. totally laughed out loud- like twice. Anyway, I miss you. It’s been too long. Lets go see that scary Emily Rose movie together and talk about your sexual dilemas. ps. best entry evurrr.

    Comment by what_the_f — September 7, 2005 @ 8:37 pm

  19. yah dood i’ll call you this weekendddd

    Comment by zig_mover — September 9, 2005 @ 11:05 pm

  20. well you know i think im asexual or something, so maybe you have THAT problem well i dont think its a PROBLEM at all, im happy not being a slut that has to have sex to be happy or feel wanted either that or youre just a freak but an awesome & good person regardless ;]

    Comment by off_stage — September 7, 2005 @ 9:55 pm

  21. maybe i am, ok whatever i’m not worried about anymore. i dont think having sex makes you a slut, i think it makes you normal but we already talked abough thtissssssssssssssss and thank you :]

    Comment by zig_mover — September 12, 2005 @ 2:15 pm

  22. YOu dont need to have a lot of sex and shit to be happy. But I generally find (tho im not a guy) that horniness comes and goes in phases..maybe ur not in a “horny” mood. Srry if ur having money issues. Also srry for randomly reading ur LJ…hope that you dont feel irritated by it. Oh well. Hope you have a happy day.

    Comment by cuteandpunky — September 8, 2005 @ 11:43 pm

  23. HEY i love you. why is THAT girl commenting in your journal? FAG.

    Comment by cbjdotcom — September 11, 2005 @ 4:53 pm

  24. i love you too, and try to be nice plz!!!thx

    Comment by zig_mover — September 12, 2005 @ 2:13 pm

  25. i don’t know what you think of random commenters (after you replied to my comment in the_format i wandered over to read your entries). but anyways, though i am a girl, i once had the same problem. i was completely content to be friends with everyone. but then i met a few guys that were, just, different. something clicked. and when i was with them it mattered and when i wasn’t, then eh. i think its all about meeting the person that’s right for you. which it sounds like you haven’t done yet. and being poor isn’t that bad…i have 30 grand in loans already and i’m only a sophmore and i’m going to vet school…so…just get used to eating raman and oatmeal.

    Comment by vinyayavieiel — September 14, 2005 @ 9:04 pm

  26. well, it could be that you’re just not into sexual stuff. maybe that’s why. =/

    Comment by onmygrass57 — September 18, 2005 @ 4:04 pm

  27. apparently not :/

    Comment by zig_mover — September 21, 2005 @ 3:58 am

  28. lack of sexuality is sexy and i think u would be one of those ppl that would be great just to have as a friend…wouldn’t have to worry bout u coming on to me….

    Comment by its_my_damage — September 20, 2005 @ 7:33 pm

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