www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

Today I almost quit my job. If I had another job lined up already that I know would pay me comparably, I would have just left. I’m sick of lying to customers and getting yelled at when I tell the truth.

Here’s the situation. For those of you who don’t know, my job is doing tech support for an internet company. People call me and tell me their internet is broken, and I have to fix it. We do the same thing that companies like AOL do, only we’re a lot smaller. Small as in a two-room office in a building in Worcester. A lot of people sign up with us for that reason- it’s a small company, you talk to the same 5 people every time you call, we know what we’re doing, generally nice, we can get things done without going through a dumb script. We all have real-life computer knowledge, whereas some companies just get people to read pre-scripted questions and answers off a paper.

Anyhow, I think my boss doesn’t want people to know we’re a small company. I personally think it’s cool that were a little indie ISP like that, competing with the AOLs and Verizons of the country. My mistake tonight was this: there was a business DSL customer who had been down for a week. We needed to send him a new modem, but nobody could figure that out except me. He was pissed and told me he’d better have the modem at his desk by 10 on Saturday. I told him I would configure him a router myself, make sure it works, and get it shipped as fast as possible. I’m only allowed to authorize 2-day ground shipments, I need approval for anything faster.

Well I get in trouble for telling the customer I would configure it myself. Apparently I have to make up some fucking bullshit story about how “I need to contact the warehouse to get a new modem sent to the engineering department and have them configure it, and then the shipping department would figure out how quickly it would be shipped.” Here’s what really happens: I reach over my desk and grab one of about 200 modems that are stacked up in the corner. I plug it in and set it up. Put it in an empty box, give it to a fella named Big Ryan who prints out a shipping label. Then I take the box and get on my skateboard and ride down the street, up an elevator, and drop the shit in a box. There is no warehouse, no shipping department, none of that shit. It is me and Ryan and my skateboard that is getting these things sent out.

Also, my boss called the guy and told him we would send the modem “DHL OVERNIGHT.” DHL is a shipping company, like UPS or FedEx. The term “overnight” would make you think that it would be there the next morning. But this is “DHL Overnight,” and it is the weekend, so he won’t have that until MONDAY. Meaning he is going to call me tomorrow and ask where the fuck his shit is, because we promised him overnight. And it is my job to tell him it was sent DHL OVERNIGHT which doesn’t necessarily mean the next morning. Then he will probably cancel and I will get blamed for losing a customer.

My job stresses me out.

Hung out with Julia and her friend tonight, went to Moe’s for the 4th time this week, etc. The girl asked “where is your friend with the black hair?,” meaning Rod. But he was working. Met up with Cailah and her friend, drove Julia home, went to Cailah’s and watched tv and now I am home trying to fix my mp3 player which broke and it sucks. THX 2 JULIA 4 CHEERING ME UP 2NITE. <3

The good news is that I can still graduate. The bad news is that I actually have to try, which is something I’m still getting used to.

Went to Friday’s tonight with Renè.. my card was rejected. She tried to pay with hers.. it was rejected as well. I thought I had $150 in my account.. I have NEGATIVE $30. So needless to say I’m pissed. I thought Worcester State had already cashed the $150 check I wrote to them for deposit, but apparently they hadn’t yet. I’m so bad with money.. maybe I should cut up my card.

Surprise party for Nikki today, it was fun. She was surprised. I climbed a tree. That’s all.

Senior skip day, coming up. I will not be partaking. I need to be there for math :/

Maybe I’ll leave at 11 and play outside for a few hours, just because I can. I have been doing that a lot recently.. begging people to play frisbee with me because I love it. Hanging out with Julia on Friday, I’m excited. The inside door handle on the passenger side broke off so I need to go to the junkyard to get a new one. At least I cleaned out most of my car.. it is less shitty now. I’m not complaining, it gets me where I need to go. It’s just that now the door is hard to shut.

I have been staying up too late. I fell asleep in physics yesterday and failed my test, because nobody woke me up. Guys, if you see someone asleep during a test, shake them or something.

I’m not excited about graduating, because I probably won’t. I’m not going to lie to myself, there is almost no way I am going to be able to walk across the stage with my class, and it sucks. I can’t even enjoy my last 15 days or whatever it is, because right now things are looking pretty bleak. I’m looking at myself in the mirror as I type this and I realize the kid that I’m staring at doesn’t even care. I put all my energy in high school into the wrong places. All I cared about was moving up the social ladder from the outcast I was, or viewed myself as, in junior high. So I got what I wanted. More friends, a reputation, for people to know me and hate me or love me or whatever. Doing whatever homework I could scrape up between classes or in study hall, never really caring about my grades except the day before and the day after report cards came out. Barely passed a few classes, and a few grades, escaped summer school many times and just went on to do the same thing the next year.

I managed to coast through two years of junior high school; plus a full three-and-three-fourths years of high school. If I can just scrape through the rest of this term, my life will be perfect. I’m accepted to college, I have tons of friends, a steady job, a good family, and on top of that I’m fucking gorgeous. Except even the kids with no friends can manage to pass fucking ALGEBRA TWO. THE SECOND TIME I’M TAKING IT. AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Today Sean and I filmed a documentary, about me filming a documentary. Spring vacation is going wonderfully. I’m happy. It’s relaxing. I get to wear sandals. I think one of the reasons I can’t get anything done is I’m mostly satisfied with the status quo. I don’t know if I’m ever going to go anywhere because I don’t really care about moving up, which sucksssss. I need to work on that. Saving money is going to start first. Having that stupid debit card makes me more irresponsible with money. It allows me to spend whatever money is in my pockets, knowing that when I run out, there’s always an ATM around the corner, and most places take Mastercard anyhow.

On a positive note, I had italian ice and it turned my mouth blue, and Sean found me a pretty stupid wallet on the beach and I’m using it. I suppose that all depends on your definition of “positive.”

Best thing ever. Apparently I “sold out” and “lost all my cred” because I wore an Abercrombie shirt. To be totally honest, I only went in the store to say hi to Laurenface, and then I was looking at all the hideous shirts and found one that I actually liked and it was $15. So suck one. I didn’t change anything, I just didn’t wear a band tshirt today. And it’s not like it even said Abercrombie on it.

I have this dance on Friday, it’s the Senior Semi. Like senior prom, but our school has prom junior year. I don’t even want to go. And The Bravery is playing that night, so I’m trying to decide which one to go to. Semi will cost me a bit of money, since it’s a black-and-white affair, and I don’t have anything to wear. The show will cost me $15 plus gas to drive to Boston.

Plus, I have no reason to go to semi, aside from people saying that “if you don’t go I’ll seriously cry.” SORRY! I need to think about it. Prom was ridiculous, I don’t think this would be any different.

I know you all love hearing me talk about the stupid dance, so I’ll stop. And for the record, the picture wasn’t even supposed to be like that, but the zoom button on my camera is stuck in. PERMANANT INTERNET DISEASE. Also, this spring vacation is going to be the best ever. Last year was so good, I still remember it because it was one of the best weeks of my life, and for no particular reason. So I’m excited.

So, I need a haircut. This picture is not to show that I have internet disease, but to show you how long my hair is. SO. I need ideas. Suggestions. I don’t know anything about hair, except that I need to cut mine.

Do I just get the same thing I have now, but shorter? Find me some cute boy haircuts, kthx. If someone finds something decent I’ll go to a hair place this weekend and get it chopped.

THX.

ps. amanda is coming over tomorrow, woop!
pps. my jacket is black, but the shower curtains really are that color. i don’t know why it got screwed up.

The best thing to do on the Mass Pike, or any toll road where there is a set toll (in this case, $1): give the toll-taker $2 and say you’re paying for the person in back of you. They will chase you down the highway all night to try to figure out who paid their toll for them. Also, putting shit in the change slot of a snack machine, like paperclips and pennies and a bunch of quarters. People really feel like they beat the system if they reach in to get their change and there’s an extra twenty-five cents in there. Whatever makes them happy, I guess.

Getting to see one of your favorite bands is always fun. Getting to see them two nights in a row is even better, duh. We had some trouble in Providence getting into the Straylight Run/Gratitude show since it was sold out, but whatever. Met Chris and Ryan, they were cool kids. Met a girl. Well, we recognized each other from the Reggie show last week. She was going to get me in but I bought a ticket just as she was walking to the front to give me one. Gratitude was awesome. Minus the Bear, as well. Straylight’s set was just as up-and-down, boring-to-great as the CD is. They played two new songs, and again, one of them was incredibly bland and I liked the other one. And I got to talk to Amanda all night. eee 🙂

Amanda texted me today and said she had an extra ticket to Straylight/Gratitude in Boston and I could take it.. so I drove to Boston for the first time on the Mass Pike, got lost, ended up in Cambridge, Sean saved me; missed Spitalfield but whatever, and saw another great show. Talked to Jonah and apologized on behalf of Teh Intarnets. Gratitude’s set was amazing, I got to talk to Amanda in between songs. We’re going to be hanging out at Bamboozle at the end of the month, I’m excited for that. Three days of awesomeness.

In conclusion, I love meeting new people that don’t suck, especially girls, and hearing good bands.

Oh yeah, I bought Annie a Minus the Bear poster, but too bad I never see her except on AIM, roflcopter.

I think my parents think I’m a slut. LOL I WISH. Because there’s always some new girl I’m “going out” with. I tried to explain the difference between “going out” and going out, but that sort of thing doesn’t translate well verbally.

I got into college, I think maybe I’ll go. English major?

I’m going to be living at school. That will be fun.

I’m excited about a new life, whether I go to college or not. I don’t know if I’m going to graduate high school, I guess I have to do that before college.

The fake gang at school tried to start shit with me today. Those kids suck. They tried to kick Rod’s car. I went to Moe’s two days in a row. Coldstone later, anyone? I went there yesterday too, with Becky.

What am I going to do with my life now?

Mammoth Press loves cancer patients.

I also got a debit card, and I’m looking for things to buy online.

And I’m going to Gratitude/ Straylight Run/ Minus the Bear on Saturday. I haven’t been to a show where I like every band that’s playing in a long time. And I was offered two guest list spots for a System of a Down/ Papa Roach concert, but it’s in Connecticut, I think. I don’t even know where that is. I’d go, but it’s too long of a drive. And I’d probably die.

What if I don’t want to go to college? I don’t know whether I want to go to school, or just not be living at home. Who wants to buy that Winnebago with me?

I’m thinking about going to Alaska this summer. The state is fucking huge, but who knows what will happen to it with the drilling that’s going to happen up there. It always makes me laugh that it’s the Escalades and Navigators and Hummers that have the “Vote Bush+Cheney” bumper stickers on the back. Just an observation.

The interview with Reggie was awesome. Until halfway through, when we realized the fucking recorder wasn’t on. Oh well, that’s life. The show was sweet. I had a photo pass, but I got NO good pictures because I was using a new camera and had no idea how to set it up. Oh well. James got his mic cord tangled in my leg. Check out Shots Fired, that’s the band that’s with him on stage.

Hung out with Julia last night. We went to Boston and got Krispy Kremes and “got krunk” and played with the waterfall. Also almost got charged $23 for parking, but we had the ticket validated so it was only $8. And we had about $6 between us. So we’re digging in the seats and cupholders and everywhere in my car trying to find the rest of the money. People were beeping at us, I flipped them all off and told them I’d kill them all. Some guy rescued us by donating a dollar to our cause, but then we were broke and hungry. Luckily I had a free burrito card for Moe’s, so duh we went and split a burrito and didn’t even have money for a drink. When we walked in, the girl was like “HEY YR FRIEND WITH THE BLACK HAIR WAS JUST HERE, WE WONDERED WHERE YOU WERE!” It’s so weird that the people at Moe’s know me and Rod, but whatever. It was still fun 😀

At church today, my mom yelled at me for shaking peoples’ hands and saying “shalom.” What the fuck, that’s what Jesus would have said.

Oh yeah. If I crash my car or overdose on heroin or something, please please please don’t leave me in a coma or a vegetative state for more than a week. Fifteen years is a long fucking time. That’s so humiliating. I hate reading about Schiavo, but come on. There’s a girl in Worcester who has been comatose since she was two, people think she’s a saint or something but I think it’s ridiculous. Pull.the.plug. Let.go.