www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

My first hangoutdate with Lynette quickly went bad when within 30 seconds of pulling in to the Rochdale skate park that she wanted me to see, a cop was banging on my window asking what we were doing. He didn’t believe that I was just there to look at the park (I probably wouldn’t, either) and told me I could get in big trouble if her mom didn’t know where she was. He didn’t believe me that we weren’t there to have sex or “smoke dope;” when he found a mysterious bag in the back of his cruiser containing an empty soda can and a box (contents unknown to me) he was like ARE YOU SMOKING DOPE, NEIL? IS SHE SMOKING DOPE?

Lessons learned: don’t hang out with underage girls
at 12:30am
in sketchy skate parks

but seriously, threatening me with STATUTORY RAPE
totally unnecessary

Some day I will have a normal day
and not get involved with the police in one way or another

Does anyone want to come to Brooklyn with me this week? I know it’s short notice but I forgot I wanted to go. We’d be taking the commuter rail on Wednesday morning to Boston, and then taking the Fung Wah bus to Chinatown. I don’t know how to get to Brooklyn from there but this is why I need a travel companion.. I’m scared of subways and public transportation. I’m staying at my cousins apartment, but it would be fun if I brought someone. It would only be until Friday afternoon or so. Let me know if you’re down!

Today at work I ordered pizza online. It took 2 hours to get here. I can see the place out my office window. But at least I didn’t have to put my shoes on and walk across the street. This is the 21st century, you’re not supposed to go outside. Oh, and the soda was shaken up.. and it exploded on my keyboard. Now my keys are mushy again. :(:( Thangully I was able to fix them as I was on the middle of my onlinecasinoreviewsuk.com game.

Spring break? I haven’t been to class in a while. I am going after break, though. I promise. Even though I am so happy with waking up late, shopping at Borders, Lurking at Panera and drinking coffee, and then going to work. But right. I can’t do that forever. I will get my english degree and try to be happy. I don’t know what I want out of life, but I suppose that college right now is the best step to a happy future.

I did not get wasted this weekend. I did get somewhat buzzed, played video games in a haze, and slept. It was fun. On Saturday, Nikki and I went to see Reggie. I didn’t enjoy the show, but we hung out with sweet people after (tony i love you)

NEXT ON UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: WHO USED ALL THE SHAMPOO??? And is it okay if you wash your hair with soap instead?

It sucks when you really really like someone and then you have to get over it. I forget how to do this.

ohh well. i tried, and that’s more than i can say about most of the girls i like. so at least i don’t/can’t regret anything.

note to self: grow a pair.

Tonight I went to the mall with Julia and I got beat up! Some 16 year olds jumped me and I got SERVED

and 4 cops and an ambulance came and all I wanted was a bandaid

and now we have to go to court and testify against these kids. and the cop called me and said they got a full confession on video and the kids admitted to everything so its going to be kind of funny, i bet they’re grounded!

my neck and pride hurts, i’m going to bed!

i smiled all day today
new headphones, comb, underwear, craft stuff, gel pens, worcester tshirt. and a box of girl scout cookies. and it was sunny (sunroof down)
i’m going to make an effort to get my life back on track. i need to get re-motivated. new job? hobbies?
i (still) like this girl and i’m not totally what is happening with that. a certain flock of overactive butterflies aren’t letting me forget it most of the time, either. it’s okay-

everything will be fine :):):):):):)

it’s weird. i don’t know how to handle getting in fights with people/even small arguments. i don’t ever even exchange angry words with anyone. or even slightly pissed-off words with anyone. i’ve never had my personality piss off someone who was already my friend, i thought. maybe i’m just too sensitive. i haven’t been treating my body very good lately- i barely remember friday night (tsam’s, then ?) saturday was strange, saturday night was sad for me but helped slightly by peach schnapps and a certain piece of ceramic. spent today in cambridge with crystalyn buying ugly sweaters by the pound (literally) and watching an amazing Of Montreal performance. i haven’t had enough sleep so i’m extra-emotional, so the occasional Bad Thing really made me feel like shit (nobody’s fault, i guess, but mine).

when i got home my mom gave me a lecture on how i need to stop ‘spending the night’ with underage girls. this cheered me up a little, because apparently my mom thinks i’m having sex. i told her i’m glad she has high hopes for my sexual activity, but i’ve never done anything besides make out with girls. i hope i didn’t let her down by telling her i’m still a virgin (my dad was probably upset to hear this, he was almost convinced that i’m not gay. this revelation may have set us back a few steps).

remember how every time i have a girlfriend and there is some kind of fight or disagreement i don’t know what to do and just break up with her. i don’t have enough conflict in my regular life (so i love other peoples’) and i don’t know how to react when i’m actually involved (or the source). i don’t know how to change this except maybe being more mature.

comment anonymously (or logged in, if you prefer) with one thing you hate about me. this is for self-improvement purposes. don’t tell me how you hate my livejournal entries, because i do too.

Today I woke up and decided I didn’t want to go to school. I got coffee and a croissant and drove to the Worcester library. It was too cold to get out of the car; plus the chairs that they have in that library are really uncomfortable and uninviting. I turned the engine off, put on this jazz and read for about 3 hours. I finished On the Road. Every half hour or so, my car thinks it’s doing me a favor by shutting off the accessory power, which disengages the tape deck and startled me every time.

I was parked in the sun. The wind was howling and rocking my car and every car in the lot. I was waiting for the flag to get ripped off the pole. The trains went by, everyone went by, and it was weird to just be sitting there.

Today was one of the best days in a long time. I did something that makes me happy- namely, nothing. I sat down and read a book and didn’t think about anything for three hours except Dean and Sal.

I think I want to quit college. Well, I know I want to quit college, but I think I’m serious about it. I don’t know why I’m there. I want to work 9-5 and have a small apartment and a cat and a record player and a lot of books and a refrigerator full of orange sherbet. I could have all of this right now. Why am I wasting my time and money working towards a goal that isn’t even really there? I’d be lying to myself if I said I thought I had a future doing anything that I’m studying.

Do you think we’ve all just been pressured to believe that we need to go to college to be happy in life? How important is it, really, to get a degree? The sooner I figure this out, the better, because it’s an expensive thing to be in doubt about.

why did i waste so much time with smirnoff triple black. valuable stomach space that could have been more efficiently filled by some delicious shots. i did something that i thought would make me less upset but i think i just made everything worse

oh, well. at least i did what i needed to

not as drunk as i maybe would have liked; actually, sober except for the inhibitions. everything that has been killing me for the past two months came out all at once and i feel a little- no, a lot less awful, emotionally. at this point it’s not even the outcome that scares me. the scary part is over. what’s rejection? everything is fine the way it is. i just had to know. not like last time! where i never ever found out, even though i knew i guess.

anyhow, that’s not the point. the point is, i think i’m going to throw up, and not from alcohol. come on, i drink smirnoffs.