I HAVE DRY SKIN AND I HATE IT
Please recommend your favorite non-oily facial moisturizer. Thank you.
I found out that you’re supposed to take Intro to Philosophy before you take Philosophy of Science. THAT’S why I don’t know what’s going on. Yep.
I’ll spare you the stream-of-consciousness rambling this evening. Just help my poor epidermis 🙁
It’s 6am. I didn’t wake up until 3pm yesterday so I’m not incredibly tired. I have work at 2 today and I’m not sure if I’ll wake up.
Today (yesterday?) I woke up sad. I spent the entire day trying to figure it out and to think about reasons I shouldn’t be sad. I do this usually every other day or so. The only thing that really made me happy today was microwaving leftovers and eating them at 1 in the morning in the dark and reading the insightful book Crystalyn lent me. My dad said I should be thankful every time I come home and my key still lets me in the house. “I could change the locks on you any day, you know.” He’s joking, but it’s true. I feel ungrateful for feeling anything but perfect because of all these superficial reasons to be happy. I guess you can surround yourself with as many wonderful people and as many stupid electronic things as you want and still feel empty inside.
What am I missing? I need to do more things. I want to make things. I feel like a waste. I go to sleep and tell myself that tomorrow will be different, that I’ll change, and I never do. I’m putting myself through something that I know I can’t emotionally handle again, and it’s completely ridiculous and I could solve it in 2 minutes if I’d just get over it. This is so silly! It’s 7:23 now and I’m going to sleep.
if you like undressing, please let me find out
or, if you like large intestines, please let me find
please please please let me find out
or if you’re sick of cradling
and dragging around my injuries
you can just say ‘fuck right off,’ it’s better than not knowing
or if you’re just as scared as me, if that’s what it’s about
please let me find out.
Today I had two classes: 930 photography and 130 creative writing. I got to school at 925 and tilted my seat back to rest my eyes for a minute. I didn’t wake up until 145. I probably still could have gone to class, but I hadn’t printed out my assignment yet. I’m really self-conscious about everything I write anyhow. I’m afraid to read aloud.
Nikki and I had lunch at the Living Earth, it was good to catch up and also eat a delicious meal. I have never had a better plate of chicken alfredo, and I have had many plates of said dish. The woman was confused when her tip included a silver dollar.
Ana leaves me the best Myspace comments. If we don’t have a class together next semester I’m quitting school. I hate going to school. People are so hard to talk to. I guess I’m not really shy, it’s just that people there don’t seem like they want more friends.
The only thing worse than a pimply teenager is a pimply adult, which I will soon be if I don’t do something about my greasy hair being in my face all the time. That being said, I am getting a haircut, if not tomorrow then Friday. It needs to be short. Please reply with pictures of cute boy haircuts, or Worcester-area salon suggestions. If you have a good pair of scissors, I will pay you to cut it if you have an idea. Recent picture of my hair behind the cut.
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remember my hair looked like this? i am seriously considering going back to it. |
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this was taken about two weeks ago. i rule. i need a haircut. |
Everything is going to be okay soon. This music is making me smile. I need to take more pictures. Life is flying by! What am I even doing. Sunday morning (before 4pm) is still free if someone wants to hang out. I’m sure I would enjoy your company.
Love, Corneilius.
Another rut. I realized there aren’t enough hours in a day; I’m shortchanging everyone, including myself. Making promises I can’t keep, letting people down. I told myself that this semester would be different. I’m supposed to be a full-time student, not employee. Work got really busy, and it sucks having a job where if I don’t take care of stuff today, it follows me around until I do it. As soon as this busy period is over (3 weeks?) I’m cutting back to 20 hours a week, tops. I don’t have time for homework, and school needs to be my main priority right now.
I’m sorry to everyone that I’ve let down or been delayed on shit recently. The reason I don’t call you is because I just do not have time. There are a lot of friends I’m neglecting, I know who you all are, and you probably know who you are. I’m trying to prioritize the best I can, but I’m terrible at it.
I was stressing over a 2-page philosophy paper. It ended up being 4 when I double-spaced it. I had to play with the margins and spacing to get it to fit into the 3 page maximum. I’m so glad I could do it. I feel like I really proved something to myself.
I’m really behind on school, and work, and things I should have done weeks ago (Mammoth site stuff, car repairs, homework, cleaning my room, there are home-repair projects I’d like to do but I’ll never have time). I haven’t even been snowboarding this season. I’m only writing this entry because I have a mental programming roadblock and I’m trying to work something out.
It’s 4am, I drank a lot of coffee, I’m stupid and I’ll probably just work on this until my 8:30 class. I think if I actually go to sleep around 5, it will be more like a nap. Also I broke out really bad for some reason, I hate the way I look, I feel disgusting and I don’t even want to leave the house.
I also wish I didn’t realize things until after it’s too late.. maybe it’s not. I’ve thought about it a lot. If I really catch myself off-guard, it seems perfect. I’m just terribile at the whole thing, I am too afraid of pulling my usual stunt and being a dick and hurting someone special.
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It’s the best, I’m so glad he got it, I laughed for so long.
I don’t think I’m sick anymore, I still have swollen glands but I got sick of being in bed and I think I’m fine again. Bye mono! Thanks everyone (except whoever I got it from). I’m excited about Jonah and Of Montreal, the same weekend, I’m going to explode. kkbbyyee
The typical symptoms and signs of mononucleosis are:
* Fever
* Enlarged and tender lymph nodes
* Sore throat
* Fatigue
Some patients may also display:
* Enlarged spleen
* Aching muscles
* Headache
* Loss of appetite
* Depression ?(I’m kind of sad.)
* Weakness
* Skin rash
I HAVE ALL OF THOSE.
This sucks. I’m watching Unsolved Mysteries and hoping I’ll feel better. I still don’t feel like eating, and I’m tired. BLAH
oh yeah i went to the doctor, she said i had mono and i couldn’t kiss any girls or snowboard for a month.
Wasn’t I happy last week? I think I was. Saturday I woke up with what at first presented itself as a hangover (Friday was fun, but I didn’t drink that much), which by that night was still raging. I had driven to Boston for an evening at the Northeastern campus. I was still weary, my friend apparently was not. Board games ensued and briefly helped distract from my nauseous shell of a body. I couldn’t feel anything except this awful wave of disgust. Everything. Even my teeth hurt. I tried to eat; couldn’t. Nursing my bottle of Sprite, the can of God-awful Miller Lite beer long since forgotten.
I fell asleep on the Mass Pike on the way home, a lot of times. It was irresponsible of me, I should have pulled off the road and slept in my car. I make bad decisons. Sunday was a long shift at work, made slightly more bearable by 400 miligrams of Ibuprofen. Once the fever broke, I thought I was good. I felt the same on Monday, and Tuesday. I wake up every morning feeling fine, but as the day progresses I just start to feel terrible. Swollen glands, irritibility (though, isn’t that the norm at work?), loss of appetite. I just keep drinking water and OJ, and the only thing I feel like eating is trail mix.
I love dried fruit.
I’ve had two lectures this week about why I should never ever drink. Ever. Until I’m 21. My dad apparently can’t make up his mind, because at first he was saying he will not tolerate it; then he said he understands I might be experimenting with things like this. But that doesn’t make it alright. I actually feel kind of bad about it now.
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This one is my favorite. I’m in it. There were originally 4 pictures in this post but I took out two. |
The last two are both at night. It was dark. The camera was placed on something still and set the exposure times to 2 seconds. They came out kind of neat. They’re not phenomenal but I’d appreciate (negative) criticism.
Spring break: hiking. As soon as I get money, I’m going to buy shit. There is so much on this planet, and all I’ve seen of it is in the suburbs of Worcester.
Today was a Good Day. School was nice. I’m in that Philosophy of Something class, today was the first time I went and I don’t know what it’s about. NO IDEA. I don’t even know the course name. I went home and took a shower and put my underwear on backwards, but I was in too much of a hurry and by the time I realized it I was too late. I saw Ana!!! Paid my $105 ticket at the registry, got $100 in dollar coins from the bank, walked around Worcester, Coney Island was closed so I went to some crazy pizza place and sat at the counter by myself and looked out the window and watched cars and read On the Road and ate mushroom pizza and broccoli cheese balls. Work wasn’t terrible. Ripped off my backwards underwear and threw them away in the bathroom, because srsly it wasn’t comfy.
I’m looking forward to another great day tomorrow. With my underwear on forwards.
I’m still trying to figure out how to use my new camera, it’s kind of fun. A lot more freedom than automatic (or digital). Or whatever. There are pictures behind the cut, of my cute brothers, my weird brothers, and some dumb buildings. I promise there are no pictures of streaking headlights or anything stupid like that. Let me know if you like any? I’m trying to get better.. don’t bother looking if I talk to you a lot because you’ve probably already seen them.
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I was looking for something in my closet and Saturday night’s empty bottles fell out of the bag they were stuffed in. My apologies to anyone who was subjected to my drunken rambling. I like my life.
Oh yeah, I think I am meeting this girl.. from the internet.. that lives far away. And it’s not Annie, guys, I keep telling you, we’ve already met.
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