www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

I just cashed my paycheck. It was only $62 cuz I took some days off, but the lady hooked me up, for reals. I cashed my entire check in $2 bills. They’re all sequentially numbered, uncreased, perfect. I’m glad I get such a kick of out lame shit like this, it keeps me entertained.

I’m going to spend them all on food and tshirts, probably.

Tonight I’m interviewing James, I’m really nervous, but I think I can handle it. I’m almost totally prepared. Camera, recorder, notes, whatever. I think Nikki is coming. We hung out last night; I missed her. We went to Moe’s, duh.

I want to go to Boston tomorrow, I don’t really have a plan but I don’t have a whole lot else to do.

Me and Kirsten and her friend Jamie went to see This Providence the other night, at an American Legion in Oxford. It was sweet. Oh yeah, duh, I met Ava finally, holla.

See you guys at the Reggie/NFG (blegh) show tonight, if you’re going. Don’t leave me messages tomorrow saying OMG I SAW YOU BUT DIDN”T SAY NETHIN, because I’ll probably punch you.

Oh yeah, this totally isn’t even a priority for me, but there were some violence threats made, via note left in the bathroom at school. Kind of hillarious if you ask me. They were checking everyone at the door yesterday for whatever, and the line was so long and out the door so I got back in my car and went to Dunkin Donuts. Apparently some guy reported me to the police, saying “a tall, thin, very suspicious-looking boy wearing a knitted scarf saw that we were checking bags, RAN back to his car, and peeled out of the parking lot.” What the fuck, I came back and they took my coffee away. Am I really suspicious looking? That dude can eat a bowl of dicks.

The past few days have been kind of weird. Friday was Bananacon (spring break edition), the traditional LAN party in Kendall’s basement. I wish I could have stayed longer, but I had to worj in the morning and I’m a pussy when it comes to waking up. Saturday Cailah and I were going to see Xiu Xiu, but it was 17+ (which is fucking stupid) so we just walked around Boston. I’d never done that before, and it was fun. I’d never actually hung out with Cailah before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect but fortunately it was good and we had good talks and a Brand New singalong. She knows how to navigate Boston and I’m jealous, because I have no idea where anything is.

Sunday after worj I hung out with Kirsten and everyone else that was at Erika’s.

I also broke up with Kayleen. I don’t really think I can explain why. It was just the way I felt. I’m sorry it ended like that. I wanted to sit down and talk about it with her but I don’t think she wanted that, actually I don’t know what she wanted but whatever. Saying our relationship “only existed online” really hurt me and I don’t even know where that came from. We’re both really busy and I did what I could to see her whenever I could. If I thought she wanted the kind of relationship where I drive to her house every time I have five seconds free, I would have done it. But I thought we were both fine with only seeing each other once or twice a week.

She also took me (and Kirsten) off of her Livejournal friends list, and I’m not really sure why. I never said I didn’t want to be friends. It’s not like I’m offended or anything, I just think it’s weird. After Shanon and I broke up, she wouldn’t even look at me for like four months, but at least we still read about each others’ lives.

But anyhow I think I’m done with relationships for a while. I suppose I need to grow up too. I don’t think I can handle a serious relationship at this point in my life. I’ve tried and they just end up not being what I need. So my apologies to Kayleen for wasting two months of her life. Well, internet time. Heh. 🙁

Whatever, I didn’t even want to say anything about it but I don’t want to read back over this thing in a few years and not know what went on when I was younger. Oh yeah, today Rod, Miller, and I went to White City and hung out with Julia. We called the Pope and ordered pizza and spat gum up in the air. It was sweet. Then I went and hung out with Kirsten. We’re going to a show on Wednesday, I’m excited.

This is life.

I bought a new mp3 player. My old one was broken, and I thought I deserved a new one. I think I’m going to start walking more, I want to go backpacking over spring break. I spent the weekend in Vermont on the ski trip. Five hour bus ride, goddamn. But it was a lot of fun. The snow up there is really awesome. I got really high, twice. Oh man. Yeah, I fucking broke edge, how sweet is that. Now everyone can shut up.

I went over Kayleen’s today, and we were on the couch and her mom came home and I think she was pretty pissed, and now I’m pretty sure she’s in trouble of some sort. Kayleen jumped on the floor like her mom wouldn’t see her 🙂 I’m sorry. Then I went to Solomond Pond Mall to visit Rachel, and got to see Alex, Doug, Korey, Kendall, Lauren, and Shanon. Got an invitation to some crazy party, I don’t think I’ll go.

My brother thinks I’m the one that put a giant penis in his AIM profile, so he’s mad at me, which is hillarious.

I was really sick for a week so I don’t have anything to say, I was in bed a lot. I like cough drops and bagels, but I hate staying in bed all day. It makes me feel shitty, especially when I’m already really sick and shitty. Anyhow I feel great now, I’m not worried about life, and I only have two months of high school left and it’s such a great feeling, if I can even graduate. I think maybe closer towards the end I’ll get sad that I’m leaving, but I’m just ready for the real world, seriously.

I hope.

The antenna on my cell phone snapped off. I’m trying to glue it back on. I went to the Outback with Lauren, Sarai, and Adam tonight. Things with Kayleen are going swimmingly. I feel like shit right now, my insides and throat and teeth and head hurt. I was trying to write an essay but gave up because I’m shaking for some reason. Not going to school tomorrow, probably. I can’t really blow off work because I’m taking off three days (18 hours) to go on a snowboarding trip with the ski club. I forget where it’s to, somewhere.. I can’t even take a guess at it. I hope I feel better by then. Jolene is more sick than I am, so I can’t really complain.

Some crazy customer put this spyware online and got people at my work to go to the site, and he harvested their AIM screen names. He has a list online of all our names, positions, and AIM names. He didn’t get mine, fortunately. It’s bad enough I have to talk to them on the phone.

Sorry, I have no insight into anything. I turned eightteen the other day and now buy scratch tickets a lot. My friends made it wonderful. Nikki gave me jelly beans. I hope her grandfather is okay. Kayleen gave me blueberry soda.

Last night we went ice skating. Tara S called me randomly, so she came, and it was awesome. I can not skate. She isn’t any better. Adam and Lauren are good 🙁

Tonight, we went to Newbury Comics with Kirsten, and I bought Bright Eyes’ I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning. I’m halfway through the first side of the record and I love it. Bought a couple 7″s too. Then we went to Moes (third time this week), and stayed there for three hours, until they closed. Then I came home because I needed sleep.

Hannah and Robby were driving past Moes, and apparently Robby thought he saw Kayleen inside, but it was really me. OUCH.

The cashier at Moes said to me, “i see you in here with a different girl every night, what’s with that?” I was like, well the ladies love Moes, and me.

She was like, are any of them your girlfriend? I said nope, not either of these two, but one of them is. I actually met her here!

That’s not 100% true, I actually met my girlfriend on Myspace. We just met at Moes. You know the story.

The past however has been awesome. Snowboarding, friends, went to Erika’s new place for the first time since she moved in. I missed everyone over there, so I had fun just hanging out. Met a bunch of Kayleen’s friends, heard about this crazy homeless man that drank gravy and almost died laughing. I spent the day with Kayleen, aww Valentines Day. We saw a movie, lopsided cars, she gave me robot drawings, which I love. Met Adam and Lauren for dinner at Moe’s, which is always wonderful. I like her a lot. Stayed up all night making her a mix tape, and I think she liked it 🙂

One week until vacation. I think that one day during it, probably Thursday, I’m just going to drive as far as I can, just to see how far I can go. Then sleep wherever, and then drive back. I think it will be fun, and if anyone wants to come along and bring their iPod or mix tapes or whatever, you’re more than welcome. I also turn eighteen next Tuesday, which will be nothing except that I can buy scratch tickets legally and stuff.

I asked Kayleen out tonight.. she said yes. I didn’t plan it, at all, so don’t get all up ons for doing it on Valentines Day. But I suppose it doesn’t really matter <3

Okay, the snow wasn’t really this deep. But I left my minivan parked in the parking lot next to my house, and it got plowed in. It’s not like I drive it, it’s dead. But I still have a license plate on there I need to take off and put on my new car, and there’s also a full tank of gas in there I need to siphon out. Mm, that should be fun.

Tomorrow is going to be fun. They already cancelled school. I’m waking up early to go over Kayleen’s, I haven’t seen her in a week, gosh! Then I don’t know what’s going on, Lauren said something about going to hang out with her. So yeah.

I also just watched American History X and that movie is fucking intense. I knew it was going to be good at the begining, in the scene where the white kids win over the basketball court. I found myself feeling happy, like someone actually won something, and the bad guys have to walk home in shame. Almost ashamed at feeling like the good guys won, and feeling sympathetic towards their cause. I can see where it’s easy to fall into a trap like that. If you know what I’m talking about.

I’m awesome, thanks for asking. I’m happy. I’m not nervous about what is coming next. I’m trying to relax. If I don’t get into a college I want, who cares? You’re only alive for so long and then you’re dead. Why be sad about anything? Such a waste of time.

Tomorrow, snowboarding, something I’ve been looking forward to since last year.

I thought I was going to get fired yesterday, some drama in the workplace. My job is safe, though. Hard to imagine I’ve been there two years already. I started there when I was fifteen. That comes out to about 2,288 hours of my life. If I had been saving my money, like I should, I’d have at least $14,000, taking in to account how much shit I buy.

I need to eat out less, maybe. I won’t. We have a 3-day weekend coming up, but some people are saying it will be longer. Whatever, I’m hanging out with Kayleen :). And maybe going to Annieface’s party. The end. Bitches get stitches.

less.than.the.positive.square.root.of.nine

EDIT five minutes later: I feel really sad right now. I’m trying to think of funny things, but all I can think of is ZomboCom, which is funny but then I go back to being sad. I need sleep.

i met a girl!

+she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

that alone should pique your interest.

i went sledding yesterday. watched garden state again. i might not graduate unless i can bring my algebra grade up. fuck math.

my phone rang three or four times while i was at moe’s, and i felt like such a cell-phone whore.

Rachel gave me this robot keychain as part of my Christmas present, and I laughed so hard. She also gave me a Transformer called Insectacon, which was the only english word on the box, if you even count that as english. It’s pretty burly. I love robots, so hard.

Earlier this week, my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. What do I even need? Or want? I told her I wanted some photo paper for my printer so I could print pictures. She was like.. what else? Nothing. Just a package of this stupid paper that probably costs about $4. I mean, I work, if I wanted something else I’d buy it myself. Getting gifts from my friends is one thing, because they actually mean something, but I don’t want my parents to feel obligated to get me stuff I don’t need. I can honestly say I will be content if tomorrow we go to do the whole “presents under the tree” ritual and all I get is this dumb paper. But really, I won’t get it at all, or she’ll get the wrong kind and I’ll have to pretend to like it. Whatever.

I’m going to bed. Text me if you’re bored! 774.276.0679.kthx. Happy Christmas, anyhow. And the best thing about Christmas being over is that people will stop saying “christmahanakakwanzakah.” It really makes no sense.