www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

I’m working alone right now. A drunk man from the office upstairs said he’s seen me skateboarding all the time in Worcester, and I looked interesting and he wanted to talk to me.

So, as he said, he went out and had some beers and came back to chat with me.

That was seriously so scary. I can’t even tell you. Because I’m alone in this building, except for some drunken stock broker looking for some tight ass at the internet company. I got Annie to call our 800 number a bunch of times, so I could say we were really busy and he had to leave. He said if it stopped being so busy, I could come up to his office.. and that he’d come by to say goodnight when he left.

I locked the door.

Now I will never feel safe working here alone.. actually I am probably going run as fast as I can out to my car, lock the doors, and drive home as fast as I can. I couldn’t fight that guy off..

I have a crush. She thinks I’m cute. We’re hanging out Saturday. Annie and Ana don’t approve 🙁 this is a disaster already.

Does anyone know anything about the Peace Corps? I don’t know if I want to go to college next year. Experiences? Friends that have done it? Useful links?

I downloaded the first season of The OC, and I watched an episode and I really like it. I’m sorry I said this show sucked before. It’s great.

There are two homeless people staying at my house, a boy of 17 and a girl of 22. I have a big house, it’s not like there isn’t room for them.. but when you make $20 shoveling snow, and then spend it on a case of cigarettes, how am I supposed to feel bad for you? My dad is upset that they eat a lot of food and are ungrateful, and my mom told me to not leave my laptop at home anymore and hide my change cup.

I finally got around to listening to The Click Five, and they suck. WHO SIGNED THIS BAND. WHY.

I don’t have a lot of money for Christmas presents this year, so don’t buy me anything. Let me know if you’re getting me something so I can reciprocate so I don’t feel like a douche.

I started smoking cloves and Dreams for a few weeks, but I got sick of coughing shit up. And my car smelled. So if anyone wants a half a pack of Blacks, and/or a half a pack of Cherry Dreams, they’re all yours.

I have been kind of sad lately, I don’t feel happy doing anything. I can’t think of what I want to do with the rest of my life. I hate working, and school, I have no hobbies or real valid interests. I have no desire to find a girlfriend, I’m lazy, I can’t do anything that I’m supposed to when I’m supposed to.

I think I’m done drinking and smoking pot. I don’t want to get messed up. Everything they say about marijuana being a gateway drug is probably true. When I start researching and looking for someone who will sell me mushrooms or acid, things I never would have thought about before, I feel like all those theories are right. Maybe not for you, but for me. Not that it hasn’t been fun, but I am just afraid of what I’m going to do to myself.

I’m not saying I’m going to be edge, but I don’t want to fuck myself up. You only get one shot at this (interestingly, an argument used by both sides of the drug-use spectrum). I’m worried that my complete lack of goals, combined with an interest in drug experimentation, can’t be good for my future.

Getting in my car. I love getting in my car. It’s beautiful. The best car I’ll probably ever have.

Listening to The Flashbulb on the way there.

My english class. Which was about nothing. And I was 10 minutes late and the professor didn’t say anything.

I passed my Literature quiz!

Singing Salt n Pepa with Ana. Then looking through my MP3s.

Going to work, and it was sunny out and I got a great parking spot and the meters are free in December.

Work wasn’t bad, except I got a migraine with the aura part, and no actual headache, and I couldn’t see for an hour or so. I then opted not to go see Alkaline Trio 🙁

Bought my tickets for the show tomorrow, and the transaction went through. Shanon and Maureen are coming!

Laughing a lot at Kirsten’s last night, though that wasn’t technically today.

Tomorrow is Hellogoodbye, The Rocket Summer, and Hit the Lights. Yaaay.

After work I started my car and decided to take out my skateboard while I waited for it to warm up. I put my cell phone on the roof.. and I’ll bet you can guess where this is going. 3 blocks later, I realized I lost it.. So I turned around and went back to where I started. I found it in the middle of the road, a little scuffed, I think it got hit. The battery was on the other side of the street. Oh well! goodnight, internet.

from an interview done last night at the bright eyes show in Philadelphia:

“…..Now climbing to his mid twenties, a tired and distraught poet decides to call it quits after seven years of success. “People are sick of hearing the same old bullshit,” slurs a slightly intoxicated Oberst. The singer/songwriter plans on releasing a Greatest Hits album in the fall of 2006. “This is going to be it, the final chapter, a celebration and conclusion” claims the musician…..”

I heard they’re cancelling all tour dates for the current tour.. I’ll post a link when I can find one.

i’m trying to work on a paper right now but i can’t concentrate, i don’t know why. i am really nervous about it and i can’t calm myself down. i know what i have to write and i only have a few pages left but i’m really stressed for some reason and i feel like i’m going to throw up. i know it’s totally irrational of me, and i don’t know why i’m doing it. i feel really stupid and helpless. i could have this done in an hour but i dont know what’s wrong with me

oh yeah also from the BBC web site:

LEEDS, UK — More than two years away from the highly-anticipated concluding chapter in her Harry Potter series, its author has already divulged its ending, though not necessarily intentionally.

“Yeah, he [Harry] joins up with Voldemort,” slurred a drunken Rowling to an admonished crowd of bargoers. Upon being further pressed, Rowling stated that she hasn’t yet decided whether Harry will kill his friends.

I just noticed that there is no link on my journal to go back to previous entries. Oops.

I also just got back from hanging out at my cousins house in Holden, and got pulled over, like I always do in Holden. I hate Holden because the cops follow you for AGES. I got a $50 ticket for not having a recent inspection sticker.. I never got a new one when I bought the car.

He was really grillin’ me, and usually I’m as polite as possible to cops but I couldn’t be, I was pissed. He asked me so many questions, wanted to know where I was coming from and where I was going and how old I was and what’s in the back seat under that sweatshirt?

He asked when the last time I got pulled over was, to which I responded “the last time I was in this town.” He asked why I got pulled over before, and I told him I didn’t know. He said there had to be some reason, so I asked him “okay, why did you pull me over?

He asked if he could look around and I said no.

I didn’t even have any drugs or anything, I was just in a bad mood because I knew I couldn’t escape Holden without a cop encounter. I called my cousin and she told me it was because I was wearing a hat. “You don’t wear hats in Holden.”

Food tomorrow, Piebald on Friday. I am more excited for the latter. Though food is nice.

It’s getting colder. I just woke up. I dreamed that everything was covered in show, and then I woke up and it was just cold and no snow, and I was dissapointed.

I haven’t kissed anybody since I was going out with Kayleen. 8 months? I’ve had my tongue in other peoples’ mouths a few times since then, but I didn’t feel it. I need to crush on someone (REALISTIC), and fast. I need someone to hold hands with because mine get cold fast 🙁 I should probably stop listening to Tegan and Sara, that’s my main problem.

I spilled Hi-C on my laptop and now tab, capslock, shift, and ctrl are all sticky 🙁

Quick poll: it’s Veteran’s Day. Would you ever put your life on the line for this country? Just curious. It’s weird to think about.