www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

Another rut. I realized there aren’t enough hours in a day; I’m shortchanging everyone, including myself. Making promises I can’t keep, letting people down. I told myself that this semester would be different. I’m supposed to be a full-time student, not employee. Work got really busy, and it sucks having a job where if I don’t take care of stuff today, it follows me around until I do it. As soon as this busy period is over (3 weeks?) I’m cutting back to 20 hours a week, tops. I don’t have time for homework, and school needs to be my main priority right now.

I’m sorry to everyone that I’ve let down or been delayed on shit recently. The reason I don’t call you is because I just do not have time. There are a lot of friends I’m neglecting, I know who you all are, and you probably know who you are. I’m trying to prioritize the best I can, but I’m terrible at it.

I was stressing over a 2-page philosophy paper. It ended up being 4 when I double-spaced it. I had to play with the margins and spacing to get it to fit into the 3 page maximum. I’m so glad I could do it. I feel like I really proved something to myself.

I’m really behind on school, and work, and things I should have done weeks ago (Mammoth site stuff, car repairs, homework, cleaning my room, there are home-repair projects I’d like to do but I’ll never have time). I haven’t even been snowboarding this season. I’m only writing this entry because I have a mental programming roadblock and I’m trying to work something out.

It’s 4am, I drank a lot of coffee, I’m stupid and I’ll probably just work on this until my 8:30 class. I think if I actually go to sleep around 5, it will be more like a nap. Also I broke out really bad for some reason, I hate the way I look, I feel disgusting and I don’t even want to leave the house.

I also wish I didn’t realize things until after it’s too late.. maybe it’s not. I’ve thought about it a lot. If I really catch myself off-guard, it seems perfect. I’m just terribile at the whole thing, I am too afraid of pulling my usual stunt and being a dick and hurting someone special.