www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

April 28, 2006

remember the time i got beat up

Filed under: Uncategorized — lj @ 4:16 am

fact: the new mountain goats ep is GREAT and makes me smile

fact2: ‘the office’ is funnier than any show i have ever watched, including seinfeld. i’m sorry.

i went to court yesterday (new friends, see the entry/newspaper clipping

it wasn’t ‘court’ as in a trial, but a meeting with a magistrate (i still had to navigate the courthouse, it was intimidating. one of the cops was there, and he read the police report, the best part was the kids part of the confession. and also watching his reaction as it was read– i could see his regret

the fucking lawyer was telling me they ‘had considered filing a COUNTER CLAIM’ because the whole thing was really all my fault since i pushed the kid away from me. what the fuck? i can’t believe they are here asking me to consider dropping the charges and yet have the goddamned AUDACITY to say something like that

i stepped out and thought about it and decided to let the whole thing go. even if i was “an eye for an eye” type of person, i’m sure he’s more than already paid for what he did. his MOM was there, and offering me a bribe to drop it.

don’t ask me why i did this. the entire incident probably has affected my life for 3 hours total since it happened (police report, post-incident laughter, changing band-aids, driving to courthouse). meanwhile this kid could lose his chance of going to college/having something like this fuck up his life. what do i want that for? for me to take this case any further would be malacious, worse than the original attack. i feel like i made the right decision.

April 24, 2006


Filed under: Uncategorized — lj @ 6:03 am

in a completely non-
  attention whoring
  ‘i’m hinting at someone’
  overemotional teenager (well maybe that)
kind of way,
i’m really lonely. seriously. what do i do about this.

April 21, 2006

(no subject)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — lj @ 5:26 am

I can’t sleep. The truck idling outside my window isn’t helping. I don’t like anything or anyone right now. I started a new job. It is going to be good. More details soon. New Jersey next month. I am excited. When school is over I will be able to sleep in guiltlessly. I am going to work regular daytime hours so I will have more than 2 days a week to see friends. If they haven’t forgotten about me yet. I’m past the point of missing people, at this point it’s more about wondering who still wants me in their life.

One month ago I was bouncing checks. Right now I have almost two thousand dollars in the bank. Due to a computer error, apparently, my car insurance is only $39 a month, where it should be $139 a month. I have enough to afford a new camera, some film, and a lot of ice cream. I am smiling as I type this because I really like ice cream.

It sucks when my body is set for nighttime hours

you know when you realize you’re (as) over someone (as you’re going to be), do you feel guilty? it makes me feel terrible. but also relieved.

an old friend wants to start talking again. what a good idea! what are the haps, old friends

April 5, 2006

wallowing in self-pity, brought to you by neil

Filed under: Uncategorized — lj @ 3:41 am

pondering the monty hall problem

i will understand it for a minute, then completely lose my train of though. i am close to getting it, even with that thorough explanation

fuck, what

i haven’t had a crush on anyone in about 2 days, what am i going to do.

a certain song just made me sad, really sad, but i will be happy in a few minutes. well, not if i keep listening to cftpa. i’m really bad about associating songs with certain things or people or events. i don’t want to remember that feeling it makes me sick

fuck, what am i talking about. did i tell someone i’d hang out with them today? i can’t

mostly disinterested in being social. i think rachel said the same thing? i dont want to leave the house

April 4, 2006

(no subject)

Filed under: Uncategorized — lj @ 3:56 am

i watch episodes of the oc until one makes me smile at the end. today it was 4. i’m disgusting. season two isn’t bad. someone please come hold my hand

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