www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

I got into college, I think maybe I’ll go. English major?

I’m going to be living at school. That will be fun.

I’m excited about a new life, whether I go to college or not. I don’t know if I’m going to graduate high school, I guess I have to do that before college.

The fake gang at school tried to start shit with me today. Those kids suck. They tried to kick Rod’s car. I went to Moe’s two days in a row. Coldstone later, anyone? I went there yesterday too, with Becky.

What am I going to do with my life now?

Mammoth Press loves cancer patients.

I also got a debit card, and I’m looking for things to buy online.

And I’m going to Gratitude/ Straylight Run/ Minus the Bear on Saturday. I haven’t been to a show where I like every band that’s playing in a long time. And I was offered two guest list spots for a System of a Down/ Papa Roach concert, but it’s in Connecticut, I think. I don’t even know where that is. I’d go, but it’s too long of a drive. And I’d probably die.

What if I don’t want to go to college? I don’t know whether I want to go to school, or just not be living at home. Who wants to buy that Winnebago with me?

I’m thinking about going to Alaska this summer. The state is fucking huge, but who knows what will happen to it with the drilling that’s going to happen up there. It always makes me laugh that it’s the Escalades and Navigators and Hummers that have the “Vote Bush+Cheney” bumper stickers on the back. Just an observation.

The interview with Reggie was awesome. Until halfway through, when we realized the fucking recorder wasn’t on. Oh well, that’s life. The show was sweet. I had a photo pass, but I got NO good pictures because I was using a new camera and had no idea how to set it up. Oh well. James got his mic cord tangled in my leg. Check out Shots Fired, that’s the band that’s with him on stage.

Hung out with Julia last night. We went to Boston and got Krispy Kremes and “got krunk” and played with the waterfall. Also almost got charged $23 for parking, but we had the ticket validated so it was only $8. And we had about $6 between us. So we’re digging in the seats and cupholders and everywhere in my car trying to find the rest of the money. People were beeping at us, I flipped them all off and told them I’d kill them all. Some guy rescued us by donating a dollar to our cause, but then we were broke and hungry. Luckily I had a free burrito card for Moe’s, so duh we went and split a burrito and didn’t even have money for a drink. When we walked in, the girl was like “HEY YR FRIEND WITH THE BLACK HAIR WAS JUST HERE, WE WONDERED WHERE YOU WERE!” It’s so weird that the people at Moe’s know me and Rod, but whatever. It was still fun 😀

At church today, my mom yelled at me for shaking peoples’ hands and saying “shalom.” What the fuck, that’s what Jesus would have said.

Oh yeah. If I crash my car or overdose on heroin or something, please please please don’t leave me in a coma or a vegetative state for more than a week. Fifteen years is a long fucking time. That’s so humiliating. I hate reading about Schiavo, but come on. There’s a girl in Worcester who has been comatose since she was two, people think she’s a saint or something but I think it’s ridiculous. Pull.the.plug. Let.go.

I just cashed my paycheck. It was only $62 cuz I took some days off, but the lady hooked me up, for reals. I cashed my entire check in $2 bills. They’re all sequentially numbered, uncreased, perfect. I’m glad I get such a kick of out lame shit like this, it keeps me entertained.

I’m going to spend them all on food and tshirts, probably.

Tonight I’m interviewing James, I’m really nervous, but I think I can handle it. I’m almost totally prepared. Camera, recorder, notes, whatever. I think Nikki is coming. We hung out last night; I missed her. We went to Moe’s, duh.

I want to go to Boston tomorrow, I don’t really have a plan but I don’t have a whole lot else to do.

Me and Kirsten and her friend Jamie went to see This Providence the other night, at an American Legion in Oxford. It was sweet. Oh yeah, duh, I met Ava finally, holla.

See you guys at the Reggie/NFG (blegh) show tonight, if you’re going. Don’t leave me messages tomorrow saying OMG I SAW YOU BUT DIDN”T SAY NETHIN, because I’ll probably punch you.

Oh yeah, this totally isn’t even a priority for me, but there were some violence threats made, via note left in the bathroom at school. Kind of hillarious if you ask me. They were checking everyone at the door yesterday for whatever, and the line was so long and out the door so I got back in my car and went to Dunkin Donuts. Apparently some guy reported me to the police, saying “a tall, thin, very suspicious-looking boy wearing a knitted scarf saw that we were checking bags, RAN back to his car, and peeled out of the parking lot.” What the fuck, I came back and they took my coffee away. Am I really suspicious looking? That dude can eat a bowl of dicks.

The past few days have been kind of weird. Friday was Bananacon (spring break edition), the traditional LAN party in Kendall’s basement. I wish I could have stayed longer, but I had to worj in the morning and I’m a pussy when it comes to waking up. Saturday Cailah and I were going to see Xiu Xiu, but it was 17+ (which is fucking stupid) so we just walked around Boston. I’d never done that before, and it was fun. I’d never actually hung out with Cailah before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect but fortunately it was good and we had good talks and a Brand New singalong. She knows how to navigate Boston and I’m jealous, because I have no idea where anything is.

Sunday after worj I hung out with Kirsten and everyone else that was at Erika’s.

I also broke up with Kayleen. I don’t really think I can explain why. It was just the way I felt. I’m sorry it ended like that. I wanted to sit down and talk about it with her but I don’t think she wanted that, actually I don’t know what she wanted but whatever. Saying our relationship “only existed online” really hurt me and I don’t even know where that came from. We’re both really busy and I did what I could to see her whenever I could. If I thought she wanted the kind of relationship where I drive to her house every time I have five seconds free, I would have done it. But I thought we were both fine with only seeing each other once or twice a week.

She also took me (and Kirsten) off of her Livejournal friends list, and I’m not really sure why. I never said I didn’t want to be friends. It’s not like I’m offended or anything, I just think it’s weird. After Shanon and I broke up, she wouldn’t even look at me for like four months, but at least we still read about each others’ lives.

But anyhow I think I’m done with relationships for a while. I suppose I need to grow up too. I don’t think I can handle a serious relationship at this point in my life. I’ve tried and they just end up not being what I need. So my apologies to Kayleen for wasting two months of her life. Well, internet time. Heh. 🙁

Whatever, I didn’t even want to say anything about it but I don’t want to read back over this thing in a few years and not know what went on when I was younger. Oh yeah, today Rod, Miller, and I went to White City and hung out with Julia. We called the Pope and ordered pizza and spat gum up in the air. It was sweet. Then I went and hung out with Kirsten. We’re going to a show on Wednesday, I’m excited.

This is life.

I bought a new mp3 player. My old one was broken, and I thought I deserved a new one. I think I’m going to start walking more, I want to go backpacking over spring break. I spent the weekend in Vermont on the ski trip. Five hour bus ride, goddamn. But it was a lot of fun. The snow up there is really awesome. I got really high, twice. Oh man. Yeah, I fucking broke edge, how sweet is that. Now everyone can shut up.

I went over Kayleen’s today, and we were on the couch and her mom came home and I think she was pretty pissed, and now I’m pretty sure she’s in trouble of some sort. Kayleen jumped on the floor like her mom wouldn’t see her 🙂 I’m sorry. Then I went to Solomond Pond Mall to visit Rachel, and got to see Alex, Doug, Korey, Kendall, Lauren, and Shanon. Got an invitation to some crazy party, I don’t think I’ll go.

My brother thinks I’m the one that put a giant penis in his AIM profile, so he’s mad at me, which is hillarious.

I was really sick for a week so I don’t have anything to say, I was in bed a lot. I like cough drops and bagels, but I hate staying in bed all day. It makes me feel shitty, especially when I’m already really sick and shitty. Anyhow I feel great now, I’m not worried about life, and I only have two months of high school left and it’s such a great feeling, if I can even graduate. I think maybe closer towards the end I’ll get sad that I’m leaving, but I’m just ready for the real world, seriously.

I hope.

The antenna on my cell phone snapped off. I’m trying to glue it back on. I went to the Outback with Lauren, Sarai, and Adam tonight. Things with Kayleen are going swimmingly. I feel like shit right now, my insides and throat and teeth and head hurt. I was trying to write an essay but gave up because I’m shaking for some reason. Not going to school tomorrow, probably. I can’t really blow off work because I’m taking off three days (18 hours) to go on a snowboarding trip with the ski club. I forget where it’s to, somewhere.. I can’t even take a guess at it. I hope I feel better by then. Jolene is more sick than I am, so I can’t really complain.

Some crazy customer put this spyware online and got people at my work to go to the site, and he harvested their AIM screen names. He has a list online of all our names, positions, and AIM names. He didn’t get mine, fortunately. It’s bad enough I have to talk to them on the phone.

Sorry, I have no insight into anything. I turned eightteen the other day and now buy scratch tickets a lot. My friends made it wonderful. Nikki gave me jelly beans. I hope her grandfather is okay. Kayleen gave me blueberry soda.