www.neil.blog memo to myself. do the dumb things i gotta do. touch the puppet head.

February 20, 2006

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Filed under: Uncategorized — lj @ 6:00 am

It’s 6am. I didn’t wake up until 3pm yesterday so I’m not incredibly tired. I have work at 2 today and I’m not sure if I’ll wake up.

Today (yesterday?) I woke up sad. I spent the entire day trying to figure it out and to think about reasons I shouldn’t be sad. I do this usually every other day or so. The only thing that really made me happy today was microwaving leftovers and eating them at 1 in the morning in the dark and reading the insightful book Crystalyn lent me. My dad said I should be thankful every time I come home and my key still lets me in the house. “I could change the locks on you any day, you know.” He’s joking, but it’s true. I feel ungrateful for feeling anything but perfect because of all these superficial reasons to be happy. I guess you can surround yourself with as many wonderful people and as many stupid electronic things as you want and still feel empty inside.

What am I missing? I need to do more things. I want to make things. I feel like a waste. I go to sleep and tell myself that tomorrow will be different, that I’ll change, and I never do. I’m putting myself through something that I know I can’t emotionally handle again, and it’s completely ridiculous and I could solve it in 2 minutes if I’d just get over it. This is so silly! It’s 7:23 now and I’m going to sleep.

4 Comments »

  1. let’s built a robot

    Comment by panda518 — February 20, 2006 @ 3:57 pm

  2. *build

    Comment by panda518 — February 20, 2006 @ 3:58 pm

  3. I think you’re in the need of a “Happy Songs” mix made by me!

    Comment by whiskywaterkiss — February 20, 2006 @ 7:03 pm

  4. objects and people – they will all fail you at somepoint. i suppose that leaves God. think about it.

    Comment by jslice — February 20, 2006 @ 7:39 pm

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