drove to some college to meet Adam. walked into the cafeteria. hundreds of people all wearing the same thing (khaki pants, black shoes, maroon or light blue long-sleeved shirts). people were staring at me, in my ripped jeans and tshirt. i felt weird because i had a seat at a table and there were a bunch of little kids on the floor. but there were still empty tables. also there was a 7 year old at a table by himself, there was more room but only one chair in front of it.

i walked outside to find something else to wear. put on my black jacket. only buttoned one button and it looked weird. Adam told me I was embarassing, that I obviously should have known better.

there was to be a concert that night, but it looked like it might rain. there was a stage, with another temporary indoor shelter set up behind it. there was a long hallway to get into the shelter. there was an old bearded man with a chair on the inside stage, probably doing a sound check. i heard a PA playing 'lover i dont have to love' and people started screaming and running to the stage. an 35-year-old woman took the mic and said 'you really thought that was bright eyes? it's a fucking CD.'

went back over to the lobby of the school, talked to a couple people, smoked a cigarette, they stared

suddenly in an office, someone resembling Michael from the Office is explaining his brilliant plan. "it would be like a Books on Wheels program for the elderly, only we do it over the phone to prisoners." Apparently the Books on Wheels program is where volunteers drive to the homes of an elderly person and read them a book. His plan was to read "the classics" over the phone to inmates. But for some reason the plan involved printing hundreds of copies of these books to give to people. It wasn't a very good idea. the office was small, there was a very tiny printer on the wall printing a long reciept. "Michael" was sitting on the desk. The walls were wood, i don't know the name but it's what Paul has in his finished basement. there was no computer.

getting out of crystalyn's truck at a video game store, it's late at night and the store is closed. we go in anyhow, i don't know what they're looking for but it irritates me that we have to be video game shopping at 2am. I find a Dreamcast controller that says "with special cheat buttons!" Crystalyn wants this because she has all these dreamcast cheats but no way to enter them. The box says "Xbox 360 compatible!" I wonder how this is possible, but still think it's neat. We leave the store, I check to make sure nobody's stolen anything.

Back in the car, I forget who the other two people are, but I think one of them was James but a huge jerk. This person calls "shotgun" but gets in first, so I have to squeeze in the back seat. He tilts his seat all the way back. There's a to-do list of Crystalyn's in the back. I read it but I can't remember what it said. The handwriting was messy and the colors alternated between red and black. She was mad at me and I didn't understand why. I tried to hold her hand and she pulled away.

In another car with 'Michael', I thought we were headed to the prison to read books but we pull up in some shady neighborhood. The street layout is similar to where Shanon and Sam live now. But there's barbed wire everywhere. There's a lake in the back yard, a huge tree in the front. Two men stand outside. Michael gets out to start rehabilitating them on their life in prison, and immediately one of them, 'Oscar', a large black man, says "Michael. It's okay if you've been anally raped. Prison is tough. I know you're hurt. But we can get through this."

Michael says to Oscar, YOU are the one who has been in prison. I have not been raped.
Oscar lays it all on the line. I was in prison and I was raped; I am not ashamed.
Michael: I was only there for one day
Oscar: It's okay
Michael: Okay. My name is Michael. They handed me a uniform that said ######. And I was raped.

I didn't understand where any of this was going. We were all still outside. I was slowly backing up towards the car. Then they started chasing me. I was a faster runner but there were two of them, trying to cut me off. I ran up the tree and sat in the branches. I don't know where Michael went but after a while it was just Oscar and I, he fell over and started going crazy. I jumped on top of him, holding down his legs and arms as he tried to struggle free. His head was going everywhere and he was making weird noises. I tried to calm him down, telling him to think about ice cream and clouds

I tried to call for Michael but I forgot his name. MICHAEL? DAVID? HELP. I knew he wouldn't come because there was a pool off the deck in the back yard. I didn't know what to do

then my phone rang and woke me up

i hate this dream

Labels: dreams

Friday, April 13, 2007 9:07 PM .. feeling really out of place