all i remember from last nights' is that someone (crystalyn?) made fun of me for owning a lot of !!! records. i denied this fact but then looked through a list on a yellow legal pad of their discography and found out i owned almost everything on vinyl (which is half true) (but not really) (ok sort of)
i also dreamt that i did a study on the effects of adderall on dreams. i wonder if there is any? this dream took place after i woke up the first time; i thought it was the weekend (i don't take my pills when i don't have to work) and i realized i hadn't dreamt as vividly as usual; i went back to sleep and dreamt i did a paper.
1:48 PM ..
so i recognized that something was wrong with my body, i took the responsible, necessary steps to take care of it, and i feel so much better about everything. so why is my adderall prescription a big deal? it completely should not be
i'm mostly upset because i've honestly been making an effort to get him to like me. saturday afternoon was spent fixing the kitchen sink, i thought it was great, we did something together and i was proud of that (because really, what do i care about that sink for? i never even use that faucet)
so i don't really know how to approach it.. he thinks i'm some kind of drug abuser lazy whatever.. i'm fine not talking about it but apparently this needs to be discussed.
Labels: drugs, family
Friday, February 02, 2007 12:25 PM ..
reuptake of dopamine and norepinephrine
nearly 2 months after that post i finally got what i wanted. i feel a lot better now. messing around with finding the right dose for a couple weeks, i'm good now. 10mgs in the morning at work, 5 around 5 if i'm going out and feel crappy. enough to pick me back up but not make me crazy. crystalyn said it made me less myself, and more focused/concentrated/stuck in a box of creativity. i don't feel like that, i don't know if i'm any more serious, i guess i just want to stay on track more.
appetite supression for the first few days, i guess i didn't notice. 30mgs on an empty stomach was complete elation, completely unnatural, is it wrong that i kind of enjoyed it? but i won't again
only on food, never >10mgs at once, never >20/day.
i'm happier at work, more productive, it's easier for me to read/work on shit when i'm at home, i wish i was on this 10 years ago
also i am still seeing the shrink i went to for the initial evaluation, i dont' know why
Labels: drugs, work